COVERT COMPOSITIONS

A New Game Plan from a Lesson Learned

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I have been on a hiatus for quite a while…much longer than I originally intended it to be.  A hiatus where I intentionally chose other things to take greater importance than my weightloss journey, believing the short-term sacrifice would put me in a better place in my life financially and thus, emotionally.  That this would just be short term hiatus, and I would not get too far off track from my weightloss goals.  

I believed that I would be able to better balance the additional priorities than I actually did.  I did not expect to end up this derailed for this long.  Upon reflection, I have realized that I lost my momentum and excitement, which is a hard thing to come by in the first place. And now I need to get it back into gear again.  That has been the hardest part…getting back on track.  

On top of those life choices and changes I made came additional ones I did not make and completely beyond my control…that brought constant change and became priority above everything else.  Not to mention the additional stress and frustration.  All of this overlapped with other upcoming and expected life events, like my sister’s wedding…where I had already been expecting and planning the changes that would affect my life and weightloss journey.  I found myself being pulled further and further off track all the time and farther and farther back into old ways and habits.  

My 2 month expected hiatus turned in to an unexpected 4 month hiatus and knocked me farther off track than I ever planned to be.  I started realizing how much I was turning back into the person I was before I started this journey seriously 8 months ago.  These last 4 months were undoing the 1st 4 months of achievement.  

But not entirely…

You see, what I have realized is that while I was going back to bad habits, I was still not the same person I was 8 months ago and I could never go back and be the same person I was 8 months ago.  I am a much more aware person now.  Always aware of where I am and where I want to be.  Aware of what I should be doing and what I am actually doing.  Even if that is at war with what is going on in my life.  

It is like I look through life through a different pair of glasses.  All the lessons learned during those first 4 months and lessons learned later looking back at that time; all the work and effort; all the learning and trying; and falling down and getting back up again…it was not all for not.  While I was knocked off track, I was not knocked completely off track or out of the game.  It could have been a lot worse than it was.  

I’ve been putting off for about a month now getting back on track.  Next week, I keep telling myself. Once I get through this and that.  I realize how dangerous of a path that is, that I could keep playing this game forever.    

There will always be the unexpected things in life that throw my well-laid plans for a loop.  There will always be something that can be used as an excuse to put off what I should be doing until tomorrow (or a month from now or a year from now).  The instant what I had been doing successfully was compromised in just the slightest, the whole thing was going out the window.  I should have been more flexible and open to other options, as well as remembered a couple pieces of advice I always give to others:

To live and work through the struggles.  Not to avoid them.  When you struggle with the struggle you will learn from it and grow from it.  You will be better able to handle the struggle in the future. If you just avoid the struggle, it will always win…now and in the future. And you will always be the same person with the same issues.  

It is not all or nothing.  Every little bit counts. It is still putting you in the right direction.  (Otherwise, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  I would be back to where I started 8 months ago.)

I realize now that I didn’t even follow my own advice.  I basically just threw in the towel and went for the ride I was being taken on.  I have learned that I let my problems become my focus and dictate my priorities.  Rather than me maintaining my focus and priorities while working through my problems.  I realize now, after the fact, that there were many opportunities missed and alternatives I could have considered that would have kept my focus and priorities in place (even if not perfectly) while working through my problems.  I basically gave up on my weightloss goal while I was going through these things.  I would get back on track once everything sorted out…

Well, the time is now.  It is time for me to become an active participant in my life again rather than just a bystander.  It is time to take back my focus and priorities.  

I have re-evaluated my weightloss goals, my fitness goals, my dietary goals, my numbers, etc.  I have been setting a plan in place for all of these.  I have been setting up my come-back.  This time I have a new game plan and new tools.  One I know will be more successful than the last.

Why?

Because I’m older and wiser 🙂 

And this time I’m not sitting back and going for the ride, I am driving.  

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